Nothing

 Today...

Today is not great. Today is emotional. Today I am a wreck. Today I am breathing and that is absolutely all that I have to offer because I am barely doing that. 

I am tired of fucking up in everything that I do. I am tired of my job. I am underpaid and overworked just to make ends meet, and even then they aren't meeting. I am tired of being the punching bag for everyone else. I am tired of being told things are happening for me when they clearly are not. I am tired of being there for everyone else in every single way imaginable, but when I ask for something, its always a yes with zero follow up. I. Am. Fucking. Tired.

I am tired of being given false hope.

I am tired of believing. 

I am tired of choking back tears. 

I am tired of everything falling apart. 

I am tired of being lonely all the time.

I am tired of people treating me like I am disposable. 

I am tired of people taking advantage of how kind and giving I am without receiving that same energy back.

I am tired of HURTING.

Things are supposed to be getting better.

Where is that? Why aren't they?

I have been patient. I have been cooperative. I have done the work, and yet, here my heart is, still broken and bleeding. I just want to be at PEACE. 

I work at it, fucking DAILY. I do my fucking best and yet it's never good enough, despite what I keep being told. I. Am. DONE. I can't do it anymore. I am exhausted 24/7 and I have nothing left to give. Nothing. I have absolutely nothing.