Echoes

Trauma. Healing. Trauma. Healing. Trauma. Healing.

It echoes in my mind relentlessly. Daily. Beckoning for me to self medicate. Begging me to find a way to cope. 

Does it ever go away?

Short answer: No.

Healing is not linear. Healing is not easy. Healing is not a quick fix. 

Healings sometimes sucks. More often than not. The triggers are awful. The coping mechanisms are unhealthy, at best. 

Does it ever get better?

Short answer: Yes. 

You have to stick around. You have to choose, daily, to stay. You have to put forth the work, even on the bad days. Even on the days that you cannot stomach getting out of bed. How many will it be this time? 2? 3? A week? Three weeks?

Even on the days you cannot shower.

Even on the days that you cannot eat.

Even on the days that you spend crying.

Even on the days that you cannot speak.

Even on the days that you are actively shutting your emotions off so that you do not feel a thing. Because feeling hurts. Feeling is crippling.