Is it ever enough?

   I wonder often, if it’s ever enough?

If I will ever be enough?

If I will ever see myself as enough?

I’m trying so damn hard. I’m working so fucking hard. I have poured blood, sweat, && tears into this transformation. I have stayed SOBER for this ascension. The first in person card reading that Treezy ever did for me, she pulled that damn ascension card. && it’s been my favorite since, because I felt it touch my soul. I felt my soul shiver at the sight of it. I knew in that moment, I just KNEW, that this transformation, this ascension so to speak, would literally change my life. I want that. I just want that so bad. 

All of this waiting for that, it’s getting so hard, but I know it’s because I’m not ready yet. I’m not quite there. I don’t know what I need to do to get there, but I hope I figure this shit out soon. My heart hurts all the damn time && I just want to heal && not feel this pain anymore.

I know I write a lot of deep dark shit sometimes, but fuck me man. I just want a break. I just want to breathe for a little while && enjoy a smooth sail. Just for a little while. I just want a little bit of peace. Some serenity. Some rest. 

I’m just so tired.